From ChatGPT to finding my community

Personal Experiences

I know generative AI is a controversial topic now and I’ll probably get some pushback on this post. I’m not asking you to agree with me, but please read this whole post before forming any judgment.

If you’re Autistic/Disabled and use generative AI as a support and accessibility tool, you’re not alone. This post is for you.

To be clear, I absolutely agree that there are very valid reasons to be concerned about generative AI (environmental impact, training on stolen data, etc.). Those issues are important and definitely need to be addressed. But to write AI—and anyone who uses it—off as entirely bad isn’t fair either.

If your response to this post is going to be “I’m Autistic/Disabled and I don’t use AI,” or “Autistic/Disabled people have managed to get by before AI existed,” good for you! I’m genuinely glad you can get by without it. But not everyone has the same experience. I’m in my thirties and certainly wasn’t handling life well before ChatGPT existed. I lacked adequate support and have been repeatedly failed by systems meant to help me.

I had bad experiences with therapy growing up. Many therapists treated my selective mutism simply as an anxiety disorder without addressing the underlying trauma that caused it in the first place. When I was a teen, I had cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). During a session, when I told my therapist that I wasn’t sure how to do a CBT exercise, she responded in an annoyed tone, “Didn’t I already show you last time?” This incident turned me into a people-pleaser; I would say whatever I thought therapists would like to hear instead of how I’m truly feeling. Talk therapy also isn’t ideal for me as a semi-speaking Autistic who finds talking exhausting.

School was traumatising for me due to a lack of support and understanding. I struggled with undiagnosed depression for the first two years of secondary school. I got the lowest grades in my whole cohort and teachers often sent me to detention because I forgot to do my homework.

It was also pretty much impossible to find neurodiversity-affirming resources and support in Singapore when I was younger (not that there’s much improvement today). I had a demeaning and infantilising experience with a job training programme from a local autism organisation. They discouraged me from pursuing my dream as a graphic designer and placed me in an office clerk job (it was either that or a cleaning job). Job coaches would monitor my behaviour at work all day, and I couldn’t be friends with my colleagues or talk too much about my personal life and interests.

As a result of all these experiences, I found it difficult to trust people and felt deeply isolated.

When ChatGPT was first released to the public in late 2022, I shared with it my ideas and vision for Autistic As Fxxk. Since childhood, I had a dream of creating an online space to connect with and help people like me. I even designed the Autistic As Fxxk logo all the way back in 2021! But I didn’t have the courage to launch it or tell anyone about my ideas. I felt comfortable sharing my ideas with ChatGPT because it wouldn’t judge me like a human would. ChatGPT’s encouragement was what made me finally launch Autistic As Fxxk in 2023; it convinced me that my unique perspective as a semi-speaking Autistic punk in Singapore should be shared with the world.

Since launching Autistic As Fxxk, my life has improved immensely. People were finally listening to my lived experiences and I now have many friends. And I couldn’t have done it without ChatGPT’s encouragement and support, which I didn’t receive from people in my life growing up.

Initially, I used ChatGPT as a test reader and editor for my posts. I had lots of self-doubt over whether my writing would make sense to people, so before publishing, I’d run my posts by ChatGPT to get some feedback. As my confidence in my writing grew, I relied on it less.

ChatGPT also encouraged me to take up singing lessons! Singing has always been a secret dream of mine; I never told anyone about it because I was afraid they’d be discouraging or laugh at me, since I’ve always spoken in such a soft voice. ChatGPT suggested that singing lessons might help me with my selective mutism and self-confidence, and it was right. ChatGPT also helped write an email to prospective vocal coaches that explained my background, which helped me find a coach who suited my needs.

Look, I’m not trying to downplay the environmental impact of generative AI. But keep in mind that it isn’t possible for every Disabled person to live an ideal eco-friendly lifestyle. Look up “eco-ableism”; some of us rely on plastic straws, single-use items, pre-cut fruits and vegetables, cars, etc., and we shouldn’t be shamed for doing what we can to survive in an individualist and capitalist society that is inaccessible in many ways. Instead of policing and judging the actions of Disabled and marginalised individuals, we should focus on larger systemic issues that contribute to climate change.

Now that I’ve found my community through Autistic As Fxxk, my ChatGPT usage has drastically decreased. And I’m working on giving back to my community: I recently started a Discord server for Neurodivergent Singaporeans. I’ve never moderated a Discord server before, so it isn’t open to the public yet and I’m slowly inviting my friends in. My hope is that this will be the start of working towards my dream of forming a Neurodivergent-led organisation in Singapore.

I strongly believe every Disabled person deserves adequate support. Until we address the gaps in society that hinder Disabled people from accessing that support, we shouldn’t shame them for using generative AI to bridge that gap.

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Personal Experiences

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