2026 has been really overwhelming for me so far. (As I’m sure it has been for many of you as well!)

Aside from everything that’s going on in the world, I’m still feeling destabilised over possibly being misdiagnosed with selective mutism for 30 years. And how that resulted in inadequate support and people having completely wrong ideas about me for most of my life.

My workplace uses Google Workspace, which gives me access to the premium features of Gemini AI. I decided to try out the Deep Research feature to figure out what I might have instead of selective mutism. (Before you come at me for using GenAI, put yourself in my shoes: doctors, therapists, etc. have been giving me the wrong treatments, the wrong advice, the wrong support, and possibly even the wrong diagnosis, throughout my life. I’ve been failed by every “legitimate” source of support. Who the fuck else am I supposed to turn to?)

One of the conditions Gemini suggested I might have instead of selective mutism is psychogenic aphonia. Here’s a definition from ClevelandClinic.org:

Psychogenic aphonia, or psychogenic conversion aphonia, is when you suddenly lose your voice due to emotional or psychological stress. People who have psychogenic aphonia can speak but only in strained whispers.

This. Literally. Describes me perfectly!!!

I know AI isn’t always accurate, so I shared my findings with my psychiatrist. He agreed that my mutism is likely a form of conversion disorder (psychological distress manifesting as physical symptoms) rather than anxiety disorder. He also advised that instead of focusing on finding the right diagnosis for my mutism, I should focus on resolving my underlying trauma.

So I tried therapy. But I struggled to connect with my therapist. It felt exhausting to explain all the nuances of the ableism and dehumanisation I’ve experienced throughout my life, and I’m not confident my therapist truly gets it.

A week later, I met up with a Neurodivergent friend. And it felt so effortless when we shared our lived experiences with each other: we immediately understood where the other person was coming from, and we didn’t have to explain or justify every little detail to get our point across.

This made me realise something: I’d much rather heal my trauma through being in community with fellow Neurodivergents in Singapore, than talking to allistic or neurotypical therapists who don’t understand from firsthand experience what I’ve been through.

With that in mind, this year I’ll be focusing on my Discord server for Neurodivergents in Singapore. My current goal is to have enough moderators, guidelines, automated processes, etc. in place so that I can open up the server to the public sometime this year. I can’t promise a specific date that the server will be open, as the moderators and I are all Neurodivergents with limited and fluctuating capacities. But I would like to end this post by sharing my vision for the Discord server:

Why I started the server

The world is going to shit, capitalism and individualism (as in the expectation to be totally independent and self-reliant) are killing us all, and we need community support more than ever. I know from firsthand experience how isolating it can be to be a Neurodivergent in Singapore, feeling chronically misunderstood by people around you and being treated as a problem to be fixed.

My vision

A kind, supportive community for Neurodivergents in Singapore to feel seen and accepted as they are, and to provide peer support to each other.

I also hope to foster a culture where everyone feels empowered to participate and help each other in any way that best suits their capacity and strengths (because I sure as hell don’t have all the capacity myself lol).