This is a raw post written while I was in the midst of a mini Autistic burnout. (Don’t worry, I’m feeling much better now!) While I’m proud to be Autistic and would never dream of curing it, there are undoubtedly things that I can’t change in my environment and circumstances, that make my life difficult because I’m Autistic. Sharing this because I thought that other people might relate to the sentiments expressed.
I resent living in a capitalist society that isn’t compatible with my brain. I could tell myself all day long that my self-worth isn’t based on my productivity, accomplishments, etc., but it doesn’t change the fact that I still need to survive in this society. I know it’s not my fault that I have great difficulty coping in this world, but I’m often made to feel that it is.
I resent that I can’t job-hop to increase my salary. I don’t do well with change. And there’s no guarantee that the next company I join will be as accepting and accommodating as my current company. (Not that I want to leave my current company, I just hate that I don’t have that mobility.)
I resent having to spend so much money and time on medications and therapies. I can’t afford to go on vacations like my friends do.
I resent being seen as undesirable because of my disability. When I was 7, my teacher told me that Prince Charming would throw up at the sight of me.
I resent being expected to be grateful for the crumbs people give me. If I ask for more, I risk being seen as difficult and too demanding, or being told that “beggars can’t be choosers”.