How my special interest saved my life

Content warning: Mention of suicide

It’s just about being true to yourself and knowing what your limits are. And I knew that if I kept pushing, it could have been some sort of disastrous result. It was just like, “Goddamn it. Maybe I don’t need to do this. Even though I agreed to do it, and it’s gonna bum a lot of people out. I gotta take care of myself.

Mike Patton

This quote from Mike Patton (my favourite musician and special interest) saved my life in 2022. I’m not exaggerating.

I was doing very well that year. So well, my psychiatrist thought that I could stop taking my antidepressants that I’ve been taking for over 10 years.

So I stopped. And for the first couple of weeks, things seemed perfectly fine. Then, I started experiencing insomnia, irritability and anxiety, and it got worse each week. I also started getting suicidal thoughts and suddenly couldn’t handle stress at all.

At first, I thought I should just push through it and continue living my life as if everything were fine. Because that was what I always did in the past (even though I’d always end up with Autistic burnout). And because I was embarrassed to take a break from work for mental health reasons, as mental health isn’t taken very seriously in my country, Singapore.

Then, I remembered what Mike Patton said in an interview. In the interview, he opened up about his mental health struggles during Covid, his agoraphobia diagnosis, and why he had to cancel several concerts with his bands Faith No More and Mr. Bungle.

His words gave me the strength to do what I needed to do for my mental health. ❤️

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